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Tuesday, October 7, 2003

Insecticide

I swear the ladybugs are taking over campus.

I didn't think any much of them at first, especially when I swallowed one of them on my way back home from Spanish. It was sunny outside and I think I was singing to myself too loudly or inhale-whistling too deeply. So whatever, no big deal.

The next I heard of them, (their annoying presence at least) I was walking with a girl who told me she got bit on the neck by one. "Ladybugs don't bite," I asserted, only to be painfully corrected a few days later when one actually did- bite me, that is, on the underside of my wrist. "It's all good," I told myself. Ladybugs are cool, they're orange and have polka dots, and maybe sometimes they bite, no big deal. Besides, the bites don't really hurt or leave any permanent scarring.

Well the past few weeks have forced me reconsider my favorable disposition towards ladybugs. When I'm watching the sunset through the seventh floor window of the Psychology Building, there they are, clamorously banging the window, absolutely convinced that if they bang themselves against it long enough, they will eventually make it through. Directly on the other side of the window, through two seperate one-inch-thick window panes, FYI, are tons more ladybugs. Now those motherfuckers must have telekinesis or ESPN or some shit like that cause I KNOW they can't smell each other through those bulletproof windows.

ANYWAYS, being forced to share the sunset with ladybugs really is at the bottom of my list of concerns, so cool, whatever, I go home and make dinner. But there they are outside the screen of my window of my room. There they are scattered throughout little crevices on the ceiling of my outside balcony. There they are again, today, biting not only myself, but others in my Psychology 396 class.

And here comes the horror story. Today, during the 15 minute break of our 3 hour long 396 class (*) I look up at the light fixture in the ceiling near the water fountain, near the window and the girls bathroom. Somehow trapped inside the fixture are dozens and dozens of moving ladybugs, several of which appear to be immobile corpses. There are also about fifteen to twenty ladybug larvae being carefully attended to by the more agile of the spotted insects.

Then I saw the QUEEN LADYBUG. This bitch is BAD. It's about the size of your pinky finger, flourescent green moldy jello with tiny little hairs scattered all along its spine (or front, or side, who the hell knows) So I stood there staring at her royal majesty like a 20 year old insect-dork while a few of the girls in my class filed out of the bathroom.

I pointed up at the fixture and said, "Ladybugs!"
"Ew, gross," most of them said as they made their way back to class.

Eventually I found mine as well, but not without a determination to see the end of this orange and black polka-dot infestation.




*=15, 3, and 396 are all factors of 3! :-P

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