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Saturday, April 10, 2004


a dream where i was surprised to walk into her apt and find her and her bf dancing and twirling, dancing, side-stepping, looking like a cute couple out on the dark balcony. she seemed happy, at place, at home.

earlier on the night, in real life, she was puking in the toilet at steak and shake. her and tanya were in there for a while, long enough for jeff and carl and i to order our meals, eat them, and pay for them.

carrying her up to her apt, laying her on the couch, grabbing a pillow for her and then tanya, "you know you have to leave right." kinda thought i should, but was really sure then. funny feelings walking down the stairs back to the car with jeff, especially after i heard her mention her ex-bfs name in the bathroom at S & S and how she was going to "beat his ass."

told jeff the story of random boob-flashing right outside the apt on the way home from studying with ricky on monday night. it was a consolation for my bruised ego, a misogynist crutch to prop up an increasinly burdening sense of self-importance.

"being compassionate without being attached or feeling hatred."
-dalai lama

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