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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Blonde Brainfarts

Our waitress was taking drink orders from us this evening at Hooter's. Some of us ordered waters and the rest continued to look at our menus. After several moments I noticed the waitress' silhouette out of the corner of my eye. She was still right there at the table, standing as still as the blank look on her face. With our basketball team just finished with adding another notch to their winning streak, Hooters was bumping at the time but she still didn't show the slighest sign of impatience or urgency. It seemed as if she was temporarily frozen in space. Like you needed to bop on her on the head to get her going again. Did I mention she was blonde?

A placard on every table in Hooters advertised, in big yellow letters, "KEEP THE PINT GLASS WHEN YOU ORDER A PITCHER OF SAM ADAMS." The father and son duo next to us decided to capitalize on this and called the waitress over to tease her about the glasses. "We keep to keep these right?" the inebriated father said jokingly to the young blonde waitress, "These are ours now!" It sounded like what he really wanted was a cookie. The blonde waitress stared back at them with an incredulous glare, like there was some kind of joke that she just wasn't getting. The man picked up the glass and pointed at it, then pointed at the placard, showed her the BIG YELLOW LETTERS, but still nothing. She walked away miffed as if to talk to the manager. Or maybe just to zone out standing against a pillar.

After the meal we asked her to seperate the checks. She looked at us as if we were speaking a mountainous dialect of Cantonese. "I don't think I can do that," she said. We sighed and continued doing the math. Wouldn't want her to hurt herself.

As I walked out of the "restaurant" behind the others I noticed a blondie waitress walking out behind me, retiring for the night. Joan Jett's "I Love Rock'n Roll" was playing on the loud speakers outside and she kept walking swiftly behind me. "Put another dime in the jukebox ba-by," she sang before stopping dead in her tracks. She turned completely around and began walking to the other side of the parking lot. "Shit my car's over there."

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