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Sunday, February 20, 2005

The Girl Code

I read this funny blog about a not-to-do list for guys in bed with girls. Number one:

"Don't rip anything off. And I don't mean stealing. I once with a guy who 'in the heat of the moment' literally ripped my underwear off. Not only were they one of my favorite pairs, but it was just so unnecessary. I would have taken them off on my own accord. You didn't need to destroy them. Ick. You owe me $8, buddy."
Inspired, I decided to think of some other shady things that guys do. I couldn't. Instead I decided to write about shady things that girls do. The first that came to mind was what I would like the dub the "hate-and-switch," which usually occurs in a club or at a party.

This happens when the Guy finally gets the balls to bust a move on that Girl that he's been eyeing all night at the club/party. He prepares for launch with the homies at the bar, takes a couple swigs of liquid courage, brushes his shoulders off and makes his way to the target.

If the Girl isn't already dancing with another guy, odds are she's dancing with a group of her girlfriends, so that by the time the guy is half-way to his target a few of her friends have already sized him up. When the guy is within a few feet behind the girl he casually slows down and starts to dance-step his way closer, until he's almost directly behind her. By this time the Girl's friend(s) knows whether the Guy is a dud or stud and signals her friend accordingly. Let's say she signals "Dud."

Now, instead of the Girl turning around to reject the advances of our brave hero herself she acts based on the interpretation of her friend who, with stunning syncronicity, rotates their dancing spots as to position the Girl as far as possible from the Guy. They continue this procedure for each other throughout the night.

The worse part for me - I mean, the Guy, is that he can actually see the girlfriend grimace or roll her eyes or put up the "L" on her forehead. Part of the Guy Code must be putting up with the Girl Code.

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